6 questions to ask : Toddler Tantrum Ep.4

6 questions to ask to find out why your toddler gets aggressive

In the first article of this series Toddler Tantrum Ep.1 : Why toddlers get aggressive? I talked about the possible causes of toddler aggression, and now in this episode, I would like to help you find out what’s behind your little one’s behaviour.

Sometimes, it is very hard to tell why children act in an aggressive way, but here are 6 helping questions you can ask from yourself:

1. Where does your child behave aggressively?

Is it in the nursery? Is it at home? Is it in the playground? etc…

When you have your answer, think about what possible can make your child loses her temper at that place. It can be about the environment (too noisy, too crowded, overwhelming) or it can be about the activity she does there (activities that she doesn’t like or can’t do).

2. When does your child behave aggressively?

Is it in the morning after waking up? Is it at times of transitions? Is it at before nap time? Is it at play time? etc…

3. Does your child behaves aggressively toward…?

One specific person or a small group of people? Is her behaviour directed, at times, to anyone?

4. What happened right before your child’s aggressive behaviour?

Was her toy taken away? Did you say something that might have had upset her? Is it because playtime is over? Is it because she couldn’t get something? etc…

5. Has anything changed in your or/and her life?

It can be moving homes or coming home from a long holiday, switching rooms or beds, the loss of a relative or a pet, changing nursery or the arrival of a new baby sister or brother etc…

6. What do you do to help your child manage her behaviour?

What examples do you show to your child? Children learn a lot by copying so think about how you behave in certain situations and if it was possible that your child acts a similar way.

Does anyone in the family or someone at a place your child visits acts aggressively or shows a negative behaviour that your child might copy?

Is the way you respond to your child’s aggressive behaviour work? Ask yourself and write down what works and what doesn’t and why.


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Hi, it's Eva and I am an Early Years and Parenting Consultant. Here, I am sharing my knowledge about child development and experience in teaching. Have a look around and follow me on SNS to keep in touch!

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